Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Time to Commit Mass Homicide and Call it a Day

I had decided that this blog was not going to be a place for more of the indiscriminate ranting that I do in real life, but you know what? Screw it!

I have never been pissed off at so many people at the same time in my life! Sasha, Roxanna, MOM, Roger, Brandon, and last but definitely not least, myself. How can one person manage to screw up so many different relationships in such a short span of life (which, honestly, probably won't last much longer if it goes on like this).

Sasha: You were a lousy friend, and a lousy person, and I'm not sorry that I disposed of you. What am I sorry about however, is the fact that I managed to lose all of my best friends in the process. I isolated myself as a courtesy to you, and what was left of our friendship, but I regret that I lost Sean, Brandon and Matt in the process.

Roxanna: I've probably spent more of our friendship despising you than I have liking you. I don't know what it is about your life that makes you so completely undependable, but for once I would like it if someone I consider one of my best friends could actually be around when I needed her. But you know what? Early in our friendship, I already knew what you were like, it's my fault for keeping you around.

Mom: There are so many small seemingly insignificant bad things in my life that have happened to me, that I feel like you could have effected or changed, and to me it seems like you never even tried. Before those things never really bothered me, but now, with the onset of adulthood, all the little things that bothered me about my childhood are rising like a tidal wave to drown me, and I can't talk to you about it. And I know that nothing you can say would change it.

Roger:  I don't even know what to put here. I probably liked you more than I've ever liked a guy in my life. I have no idea what people are talking about when they say they have a "connection" with someone. To me it just seems like stupid, pointless romantic slang. I don't understand why people can't just say what they mean, and I admired you, because I thought you always did. Thanks for bothering to let me know before you decided that you weren't going to talk to me anymore, I wish I knew what I'd done wrong.

Brandon: If you ever read this, I'm glad I know exactly what I did wrong with you, but I wish you'd asked me about it or given me a chance to explain. You didn't hear what you thought you did. I liked you a lot, and I never would have said anything to hurt you. The whole thing with you and me was kind of odd wasn't it? Almost an entire courtship carried out in a series of looks and gestures? I wish we'd been smart enough to say what we felt in the beginning, for a long time I've regretted not getting a chance to apologize to you, and I've always wondered what could have happened. But honestly, I spent the majority of the time I liked you feeling guilty because of Ksenia, so maybe that manifested itself in it's own way.

I want to apologize to all the people above, I obviously had a hand in where all of our relationships went wrong. I hope that my own social ineptitude doesn't keep me from being more successful with this kind of thing in the future.


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