I'm hovering between two equally negative sequences of emotion right now. One just as destructive as the other. It's like someone stole my ipod... Again.
On the one hand, you kind of want tocurl up into a little ball and lose yourself to your despair, but the rational part of you won't let you, you have to take a deep breath, get up and walk around, and compose yourself like a normal person. You can't show anyone that you're two steps away from having a mental breakdown.
But maybe I deserve this. I feel like this is the karmic backlash for me being such a self-centered, sex-obsessed little bitch all the time.
Urgh, so this is one more unconscionable, unchangeable thing in my life that I'll have to pretend is fine. Nay, awesome.
But it's more than this, it's what it represents that gets to me. My own perceived inadequacy. People always say that no one can love you, unless you love yourself. And I do. But what use is loving yourself, if the people you want to love you, won't.
On an unrelated brightside, I've been having nightmares nonstop for the past few days. In most of my nightmares there's a graveyard that I can't escape from (once I dreamt that I was literally digging my own grave), but last night, for the first time in my life, I actually avoided walking INTO the graveyard in the first place.
Silly for me to place so much stock in my dreams, but maybe in some small way, this is a good thing?
It's not even funny how much I NEED to get out of here.
Today's Lesson: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Of course, this could all just be me being a big baby about my hurt pride...
Yeah, probably.
Current Music: I Have the Touch by Heather Nova
On the one hand, you kind of want tocurl up into a little ball and lose yourself to your despair, but the rational part of you won't let you, you have to take a deep breath, get up and walk around, and compose yourself like a normal person. You can't show anyone that you're two steps away from having a mental breakdown.
But maybe I deserve this. I feel like this is the karmic backlash for me being such a self-centered, sex-obsessed little bitch all the time.
Urgh, so this is one more unconscionable, unchangeable thing in my life that I'll have to pretend is fine. Nay, awesome.
But it's more than this, it's what it represents that gets to me. My own perceived inadequacy. People always say that no one can love you, unless you love yourself. And I do. But what use is loving yourself, if the people you want to love you, won't.
On an unrelated brightside, I've been having nightmares nonstop for the past few days. In most of my nightmares there's a graveyard that I can't escape from (once I dreamt that I was literally digging my own grave), but last night, for the first time in my life, I actually avoided walking INTO the graveyard in the first place.
Silly for me to place so much stock in my dreams, but maybe in some small way, this is a good thing?
It's not even funny how much I NEED to get out of here.
Today's Lesson: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Of course, this could all just be me being a big baby about my hurt pride...
Yeah, probably.
Current Music: I Have the Touch by Heather Nova
No comments:
Post a Comment